Last week, the postpartum depression advocacy community was shaken by a verbal war of sorts. Grey’s Anatomy‘s mid-season premiere episode “Where Do We Go From Here” included a storyline in which a mother’s car accident leads to speculation about whether or not she intended on harming herself and her children. The conversations which followed stirred up quite the social media firestorm and the birth of the “hashtag” #ShameShonda.
The outrage stemmed from what they perceived as an insensitive and inaccurate portrayal of postpartum depression and the women who struggle with it daily. What ensued was an all out attack on Grey’s Anatomy creator and producer Shonda Rhimes, demanding an acknowledgement or reparation of sorts. And somewhere along the way, the battle line was drawn racially: it became a “white woman attacking black woman” thing, and postpartum depression became a “white girl” problem.
Here is what I saw in last week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy: I saw a mother who was sick and stressed beyond belief. I saw a doctor who would not give up on her patient while also struggling with the stresses of balancing her own motherhood and career. I saw another physician mom projecting her own anger and powerlessness on a patient with whom she could not identify, but most of all I saw a little piece of myself in each of these characters. As women’s health advocates, we can be as biased and blind as those we seek to educate.
Postpartum depression is one of the most common complications of pregnancy. Women will suffer silently, as I did, believing that they can handle it. They do not want to be like “those other women who hurt themselves or their children.” Truth is most mothers with postpartum depression look just like you and me, they don’t commit suicide, they don’t hurt their children, they just try to survive, simply trying to put one foot in front of the other.
Unfortunately, somewhere in the verbal melée of the #ShameShonda conversation, the most important piece of the conversation was lost: women everywhere, regardless of race and socioeconomic background, are at risk for postpartum depression.
I purposefully remained quiet as I watched the situation unfold. But not because I had nothing to say:
- The women who advocate for moms with postpartum depression are amazingly strong, caring and beautiful women who, having dealt with some of the darkest periods in their lives, have chosen to stand out as a beacon to other women dealing with the same illness. Thus, it is quite unlikely they would purposefully harm anyone.
- Motherhood is stressful. The need and quest for balance is one mothers deal with daily. In their quest to find balance, women can sometimes sacrifice their well-being and find themselves lost, without as to how to get back to this side of sanity. Knowing that women like Katherine Stone, CEO of Postpartum Progress, Lauren Hale of My Postpartum Voice and countless others are out there gives me a sense of hope.
- The issue of postpartum depression should not be about black or white, as some in the conversations last week tried to imply, it is quite simply about mothers. However whether we like it or not, the face of postpartum depression is predominantly white. To ignore the cultural differences in how each community deals with mental illness would be a disservice to all women. To ignore the racial disparities that plague our communities, especially when it comes to access to healthcare, and mental health is to be blind to the dichotomy that exists within our society. I have personally had a patient tell me to find them a black mental health provider, “someone who will truly understand me.” The truth is we need more advocates in the black, Hispanic and Asian community to address postpartum depression and support mothers. And we need more diverse safe spaces for women of all cultural backgrounds to discuss their dealings with mental health.
- Regardless of the insensitivity of the character of Dr. April Kepner on last weeks’ Grey’s Anatomy, I have to disagree with those who cried #ShameShonda and say that Shonda Rhimes and her team of writers were absolutely right to include those reactions in the episode. Because as unfortunate as it may be, there are people who will never understand that postpartum depression is an illness and immediately judge the women who suffer from it. To ignore those voices in the conversation would be a mistake. Acknowledging them, on the other hand, creates an extremely important teachable moment.
If you know of someone suffering from postpartum depression here are three things you should do:
1. Be There! I can’t say this enough: just be there. Your presence alone can make such a huge difference. Sometimes acknowledgement by someone else may be all it takes to encourage a mother to seek professional help.For me it was my sister, it was my friend Jacqueline C. They saw what I couldn’t see and helped me to make better sense of what I was feeling.
2. Learn the facts about postpartum depression and find the resources in your community that can help someone suffering with postpartum depression. With my second pregnancy, when I felt it overwhelm me, I was armed with enough knowledge to seek help on my own, to face it before it took over.
3. Most importantly, try not to judge. You are not walking in this woman’s shoes and can not even begin to understand how she feels. Sometimes, we feel the judgement the most in the places where we should feel best understood. As mothers and women especially, it’s important to remember that we are each walking a singular life and each of us must find the coping mechanism and resources that works best for her. And even if you can’t relate directly, your support and encouragement is always helpful.
For more information about postpartum depression and perinatal mood disorders:
-Postpartum Support International